Coping with Holidays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates

• Overview
• Helpful Suggestions
• For Additional Information...

Overview

Holidays and anniversaries can be difficult times for those directly affected by crime. For survivors different events, traditions, smells, tastes, dates, or times can trigger both positive and negative memories that may feel overwhelming. Often Holidays and anniversaries can be extremely distressing. Many people find that holidays and anniversaries "trigger" renewed sorrow, evoke painful memories, create additional stress, and heighten any sense of loss. Any and all feelings that you have surrounding holidays and anniversary's are normal, and each person responds differently. Please also see the PTSD Get Help Bulletin.

• There are no right or wrong ways to recognize and celebrate holidays and anniversaries. The best way to approach a holiday is to find ways to make it personally meaningful while acknowledging events, feelings, and circumstances this year. It may be helpful beforehand to think about what will make the holidays easier and better for you and what might make them harder.

• Complicated emotional responses are common and natural. It is normal to experience anger, resentment, guilt, and other negative responses. Cry if you need to, it's a natural and healthy expression of grief that often provides much-needed relief. Don't conceal your feelings to protect other adults, but strive to be sensitive to children's needs. Children are very aware of and influenced by the way adults express their emotions.

• Determine your capacity for being around people. Some people need to spend time alone. Others get comfort from being with other people. Select your companions carefully and spend time with those you find helpful, supportive, understanding, patient, and caring.

• Choose to celebrate or not. Some people feel they cannot celebrate, or that celebrating would be wrong. Others worry about family members, especially children, and want to ensure they experience some joy. Try to work out what is right for you and your family.

• Plan for the holidays with family members or friends. Those close to you can help you cope. Include children in discussions about how the family should celebrate this year. Discuss what traditions to follow and what new ones to create. Bereaved family members should not be pressured to participate in unwanted extended family rituals.

• Celebrate in ways that are meaningful and helpful. You don't have to participate in all (or any) activities. Ask yourself whom you want to be with, where you want to be, and what you want to do. Don't feel obligated to send gifts or cards. If you want to buy gifts, but are overwhelmed at the thought of holiday crowds, try shopping on-line or by phone.

• Maintain existing family traditions and/or create new ones. Some people find it helpful to maintain family traditions. Others deliberately do things differently or create new traditions. Making gifts in the memory and honor of others, finding ways to recognize and remember those lost, meditating or attending religious services, spending time with those who are alone, or volunteering and helping other people are among less traditional ways to mark the holidays.

• Take care of yourself. Take steps to maintain your strength and energy. Avoid unnecessary additional stresses and include activities that help decrease stress, such as taking a walk, exercising, eating well, taking a bath, or starting a journal. Enlist friends and family to help with practical preparations.

• Seek professional help if needed. If you are concerned about burdening family and friends, or feel overwhelmed by their feelings or your own, you might find it helpful to speak to a professional like a grief counselor, religious leader, family doctor, or therapist. A variety of assistance is available, including one-on-one counseling, helplines to call when feeling particularly low, or support groups with people who are having similar feelings.

American Psychiatric Association

1000 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 1825

Arlington, VA  22209

1-800-852-8330

www.psych.org

American Psychological Association
750 First Street, NE,

Washington, DC 20002

1-800-374-2721 / TTY 202-336-6123

www.apa.org

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
2107 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 300
Arlington , VA 22201

1-800-852-8330 / TDD 703-516-7227

www.nami.org

National Mental Health Association
2001 N. Beauregard Street, 12th Floor
Alexandria, VA 22311

800-969-NMHA/1-800-228-1114 / TTY 800-433-0959

National Center for Victims of Crime