Dating Violence
| "The person I'm going out with scares
me sometimes" |
What is
it?
Dating violence is controlling, abusive and aggressive behavior
in a romantic relationship. It can happen in straight or gay relationships. It
can include verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, or a combination of
them.
Controlling behavior includes:
- Not letting you hang out with your friends
- Calling or paging you frequently to find out where you are, who you're
with, and what you're doing
- Telling you what to wear
- Having to be with you all the time
Verbal and emotional abuse
includes:
- Calling you names;
- Jealousy
- Belittling you (cutting you down)
- Threatening to hurt you, someone in your family, or themselves if you
don't do what they want
Physical abuse includes:
- Shoving
- Punching
- Slapping
- Pinching
- Hitting
- Kicking
- Hair pulling
- Strangling
Sexual abuse includes:
- Unwanted touching and kissing
- Forcing you to have sex
- Not letting you use birth control
- Forcing you to do other sexual things
Anyone can be a victim of
dating violence. Both boys and girls are victims, but boys and girls abuse their
partners in different ways. Girls are more likely to yell, threaten to hurt
themselves, pinch, slap, scratch, or kick. Boys injure girls more, are more
likely to punch their partner, and more likely to force them to participate in
unwanted sexual activity. Some teen victims experience violence occasionally.
Others are abused more often, sometimes daily.
If you are a victim of dating violence, you might...
- Think it's your fault
- Feel angry, sad, lonely, depressed or confused
- Feel helpless to stop the abuse
- Feel threatened or humiliated
- Feel anxious
- Not know what might happen next
- Feel like you can't talk to family and friends
- Be afraid of getting hurt more seriously
- Feel protective of your boyfriend/girlfriend
You're not
alone
- One in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship.
- 50 percent to 80 percent of teens have reported knowing others who were
involved in violent relationships.
- 15 percent of teen girls and boys have reported being victims of severe
dating violence (defined as being hit, thrown down, or attacked with a
weapon).
- 8 percent of 8th and 9th grade students have reported being victims of
sexual dating violence.
- Young women, ages 16 to 24 years, experience the highest rates of
relationship violence.
Get help
Being a victim of dating violence is not your fault. Nothing you
say, wear, or do gives anyone the right to hurt you.
- If you think you are in an abusive relationship, get help immediately.
Don't keep your concerns to yourself.
- Talk to someone you trust like a parent, teacher, school principal,
counselor or nurse.
- If you choose to tell, you should know that some adults are mandated
reporters. This means they are legally required to report neglect or abuse to
someone else, like the police or child protective services. You can ask people
if they are mandated reporters and then decide what you want to do. Some
examples of mandated reporters are teachers, counselors, doctors, social
workers, and in some cases, even coaches or activity leaders. If you want to
help deciding who to talk to, call our Helpline at 1-800-FYI-CALL, or an
anonymous crisis line in your area. You might also want to talk to a trusted
family member, a friend's parent, an adult neighbor or friend, an older
sibling or cousin, or other experienced person who you trust.
- If you want to get advice about who to talk to, call our helpline
(1-800-FYI-CALL) or an anonymous crisis hotline in your area. You might also
want to talk to a trusted family member, a friend's parent, an adult neighbor
or friend, an older sibling or cousin, or other experienced person who you
trust.
Help
Yourself
Think about ways you can be safer. This means thinking about what to do,
where to go for help, and who to call ahead of time
- Where can you go for help?
- Who can you call?
- Who will help you?
- How will you escape a violent situation?
Here are other precautions you can take
- Let friends or family know when you are afraid or need help.
- When you go out, say where you are going and when you'll be back
- In an emergency call 911 or your local police department
- Memorize important phone numbers like the people to contact or places to
go in an emergency
- Keep spare change, calling cards, or a cell phone handy for immediate
access to communication
- Go out in a group with other couples
- Have money available for transportation if you need to take a taxi, bus,
or subway to escape
Help
Someone Else
If you know someone who might be in an abusive relationship, you
can help.
- Tell the person that you are worried
- Be a good listener
- Offer your friendship and support
- Ask how you can help
- Encourage your friend to seek help
- Educate yourself about dating violence and healthy relationships
- Avoid any confrontations with the abuser. This could be dangerous for you
and your friend.
If you want to read more?
This information may be freely distributed, provided that it is distributed
free of charge, in its entirety and includes this notice.
This information was developed under grant number 2002-X1678-DC-WT from the
Office on Violence Against Women of the U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions
and views expressed in this document are those of the author(s) and do not
necessarily represent the official position or policies of the Office of
Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice.